Update on my Update

Well holy hell.

Got to the doctor this afternoon, and after talking to me we head to the ultrasound room.  I got my first experience with a vaginal ultrasound, and I didn't feel as violated as I thought I would.

But that's probably because of what we saw.  Two cysts.  One on each ovary.  Huge cysts.  One is 10cm and the other is 8cm.  Holy. Hell.  Wait, actually its three.  One of the cysts has a cyst inside it.  Yeah.

I brought home one of the ultrasound pictures because, holy hell, who would believe this without pictures?  I'm working on getting it scanned in so I can upload it. 

Anywho, that explains all the problems I've been having.  It explains the pain, and the using the bathroom a lot.  The damn cysts are pushing against my bladder and my uterus.  Oh, and it didn't look like anybody was in the later.  My mom is still holding out hope, but for me its gone.

The doctor was floored when he saw the size of the cysts.  Especially since I was just in there in May for my annual exam.  So then he gave me another "hands on" exam (for lack of a better term) and he still could barely feel them, and that's because he knew what he was looking for this time.  They are a lot higher than they should be.

By the time I got dressed and met the doctor back in his office, he was googling large cysts from clomid.  That's right interwebs, my doctor googles!  He says these are the biggest cysts he's ever seen, and that kinda scares me as he's been an obgyn for 20+ years. 

So, we're obviously taking some time off from TTC.  I'm going back on birth control as soon as AF shows up, and I go back into the doctor in a month to see if they've shrunk.  If they haven't, I get to have surgery. 

Had to share!

Ok, I'm not supposed to log on here while at work, but I couldn't resist posting this!

My doctors appointment is at 2:30 this afternoon, Mountain Time.  I'm kind of nervous to find out what's going on in there, but I hope that they can tell me whats going on.

Update

So. . .

It's been a long trying day.  It started this morning at 6am when I woke up in such excruciating pain that I made my husband take me to the hospital.  Well, the hospital parking lot.  By the time we got there the pain was starting to lessen.  We waited in the parking lot for 20 minutes and the pain kept going down, so I decided to head home.  By 8am the pain was back to manageable again, and I called in a left a message with my OBGYNs nurse. 

Now, if you've followed my blog you know I have problems with this nurse.  She doesn't check her messages regularly, and then she usually ends up calling me back and telling me nothing of value.  I left the message at 8, and didn't get a call back from the obgyn until 4:30 this afternoon. You'd think if someone called and left a message complaining of severe abdominal pain, you'd call em back faster.  Sigh.
 
The phone call:

The doc called me as I was leaving work.  He told me that the beta was negative.  I get to go in to the doctor tomorrow for an ultrasound to see if they can figure out what is causing all this pain.  He's worried that my ovaries might have over stiumlated.  Yeah, not really excited for tomorrow.

Get this though.  He said to me "Just because this is negative doesn't mean you might not be pregnant.  It could just be to early for it to show on a blood test" Nice try doc, but I'm on to you!

And I'm going to use today's disappointment as another barrier to keep Hope in her closet.  Any ideas on how to find the french fry in this situation?

Hope, or "Who let that b**** out of the closet?"

For all things holy, those of you battling IF know how painful hope can be.  I try to keep my hope locked in a closet, and barricaded by all of my insecurities and disappointments.  Usually this works quite well.  Until yesterday (cue the dramatic music)

Yesterday I went in to see my OBGYN because I KNEW I had a bladder infection.  I had pain, you know, down there, and I feel like I have to go, and then nada.  Seemed pretty classic UTI stuff to me.  So I go in, and wait for an hour because some preggers gal had an emergency.  Sigh.

Then themostfabulousdoctor comes in and sits down to talk to me.  And he sighs, and says "You don't have a bladder infection.  There is some bacteria in your sample (and on a side note, thanks to IF I now pee in a cup like a pro!) but not enough to warrant the pain you are feeling"  And then he has me describe the pain, which is all over my lower abdomen, kind of like cramps, or what cramps would feel like if they carried switchblades and had attitudes.  I mean to tell you the pain woke me up out of a dead sleep!

And then he smiles and says "I think you might be pregnant"  OMGWTFBBQ. . . what?  And he asks about other things "Do your breasts hurt" check "Are you feeling nauseated?" double check.  Of course, I still know better than him right?  After all I know all about IPS (imaginary pregnancy symptoms).

Then he takes the last step towards that hope closet, and swings open the door by saying "I've had quite a few women in your situation, dealing with infertility, and I've had them come in complaining of the same pain.  Then a few weeks later we find out they are pregnant." 

Holy mother of all that's holy (yeah, its redundant, deal with it) he went and did it.  He let that b**** of hope out of her closet.  And she's been nagging me all day. 

Seriously, someone needs to take themostfabulousdoctor aside and let him know that it isn't cool to give me hope.

He took blood.  I'll have results soon.

Catch Up

Ok, so here's yet another post where I play catch up with my followers!  I really never intend to go this long between blog entries, but then something happens. . . And then I feel guilty about not writing, and so I put it off for a couple more days (because no one wants to read my guilt).  And pretty soon its been forever since I wrote anything!

So here, in bullet form (I heart bulleted lists!) is what has been going on in my corner of the interwebs:

• I'm about 90% certain that I get to keep my job.  My pending unemployment has been something I chose not to blog about, because, honestly, one depressing topic is enough for a blog!  I was told last year that come September 12th of this year, I would be laid off.  Now it's looking like funding has been approved, but nothing is official yet.  It would mean another year of employment, and another year of insurance!
• My mom has accepted a job offer.  She has been unemployed for almost 8 months.  She starts at her new job in a couple of weeks.  The company she is going to work for even said they would work around her broken arm until it heals.  Pretty darn exciting!
• And speaking of my mom's broken arm, she had an x-ray again last week, and it showed where there is new bone growing.  She still has 4 more weeks in the sling, but she says it's feeling better every day. 
• We had a big family pool party at my in laws a couple weekends ago.  That's where the picture of Moo in a life vest came from.  My father in law can be a bit of an ass, and last year threw Moo into their pool several times.  Now, most dogs might sink a little from the throw, but then would swim out.  Not Moo.  Once water goes over his head, he figures he's done for and sinks.  I got sick of jumping in and saving him, and bought the life vest.  Best $20 I've ever spent!  My FIL threw Moo into the pool again this year, but Moo floated to the top, and thanks to the handy dandy handle on the back of his life vest, I didn't even have to get in the water to get him out!
• Me and the husband are still working away at making the hot tub use able.  We've got it up on the platform, and wired.  But now it appears the pump isn't working.  Sigh. 

I think that's about it.  Nothing really exciting going on.  We've been really laid back and relaxed this month (I hate the word relax).  We've been enjoying spending time with family, spending time in our yard, and killing new monsters on our computer games.  What, not everyone does that?

Just wanted to share. . .

 . . .Moo in a life vest, isn't he precious!

I know the photo quality isn't great (it was after all taken on a phone).  I had to share it though.  This picture makes me smile every time I see it.

I promise a longer post soon.  I have no reason, other than laziness, for my lack of posting.

F*** my Life

Last night I stopped at the pharmacy to get a refill on my thyroid meds.  I got cut off by a lady who figured she was more important.  This lady then proceeds to yell at the pharmacy staff and pharmacist because the "Plan B" meds she got this time were not the same as the ones she got before.

First, why the hell is she fertile?  Not fair.

Second, she's taken the medicine enough to be able to complain that it looks different?

At least I wasn't there to get my clomid.  I might have jumped her then.