Thinking Time

I wrote this post Tuesday when I was sitting in court:

How much do you know about fingerprint analysis?  After today I know a lot more than I ever thought I would, more than I will ever need to know.  I'm sitting here in court, waiting for cross examination of this witness to be over, so I can get the next witness.  And until I can get the next witness, I don't have anything to do.

As always, given the time to think, my brain jumps to my IF.  I don't have a diagnosis of IF (infertility) from the doctor.  Not one in writing at least.  And I haven't been trying tor the requisite year.  It's only been 10 months.  10 months and 4 cycles.  Which is why I went into the doctor in January.  And why the doctor gave me a hypothesized diagnosis of PCOS, and helped to set The Plan into motion.

I'm halfway done with the first part of The Plan.  I'm halfway through my second month of birth control.  If everything goes perfectly, on what I feel is our first "real" try, we could have a baby by this time next year.

Part of me is so hopeful.  The other part of me has already given up.  In the back of my mind I'm already trying to figure out how to pay for an IUI, IVF, or adoption.  I'm trying to figure out how far I will go before I stop.

Why do I do this to myself?  Am I trying to prepare myself for heartache?  Am I just sabotaging any happiness I have?

I truly feel alone in this process.  My sister in law, R, is going through this, and that helps.  But I feel my husband doesn't understand how I feel, and that my mother can't comprehend why I focus on this.  Other people with blogs have such great support.  I don't feel I belong there.  I have no official diagnosis of IF.  I haven't been trying a whole year.  As far as we know, the only problem we have with trying to conceive is me, and my lack of ovulation, potentially from PCOS.

So where does that leave me?

Plan of Action

Remember the last post? The one where I whined about not getting knocked up? Well I went to a new OBGYN today, and now I have a plan of action. And being as I am a planner, this makes me very happy. Granted, it's not a guarantee that I will get pregnant, but it's a step in the right direction.

Why did I go to a new OBGYN? Because the last guy I went to was an ASS. I went in to see him after not having a period for almost 3 months (and when you're trying to get pregnant, that's not a good thing) and he told me that there was nothing he could do for me until we've been trying for a year. I understand that they don't like to diagnose infertility until a patient has been trying for a year. What bugged me is that he wouldn't look for a cause as to why my period had been MIA for three months. He mumbled something about PCOS, but said he didn't want to do anything until this May. Oh, and he told me I was fat. Didn't really win me over.

So I walked in to this appointment fully expecting the worst. That the doctor would take one look at me and pronounce me to fat to procreate, and then kick me out of his office. Didn't happen. He was so nice! And so was his staff! Can I be in love with a doctor's office? Because I think I am. . . Sorry Honey

I sat down with themostfabulousdoctor, and we discussed my history. And we made a plan. First part of the plan involves blood tests (ouch) to check my thyroid function since I'm hypothyroid, and then he wanted to test my glucose levels to rule out diabetes. He said until my thyroid is where it needs to be, it could be causing problems with ovulation. Or it could be PCOS, which is what he's leaning towards since I've had problems with my period since I was 12.

So, here's the plan (have I mentioned I love having plans?):

Back on birth control for three months (he cited studies where Clo.mid works better for women just coming off the pill)

In April, after I take my last birth control pill, I wait until cycle day 3, and start taking Clo.mid

Then I use an ovulation predictor kit and hopefully see a nice positive.

I go back on the third week of my period and get my progesterone tested.

We move on from there depending on what happens.

A plan! And can I just say I am so grateful to all the other blogging ladies out there that have gone through this? I went to my appointment fully prepared with questions to ask. I knew what he was talking about when he mentioned Clo.mid, and when he talked about the progesterone rising after ovulation. And I wouldn't have known any of that if I hadn't stumbled across this great community of bloggers. And, maybe, I'll have to stop lurking. . .


----UPDATE----
My blood results all came back great.  My thyroid is functioning perfectly (with the help of synthroids) and my TSH is 1.76.  Themostfabulousdoctor likes to see TSH levels between 0.2 and 2, so I'm doing great there.  He also tested my blood sugar after a fast and it was 90, which the nurse seemed pleased with.  I'll have to do some research on blood glucose levels.  I really know nothing about it.  The nurse also said that "everything else looks good, so stick with the plan."

Guess it's time for me to figure out what to blog about for three months that doesn't revolve around TTC. . .