Hot Flashes and Hope

So here I am on day 4 of my 5 day 'mid routine.  And mother of all things good, I am so freakin hot!  At this point I vow never to make fun of my mom when she has hot flashes again.  It started yesterday, but I didn't think to much of it because it was warm yesterday.  But today at work was another matter.  I'd be feeling perfectly normal, and then WHAM.  The hot flash hits, and suddenly I want to strip off everything!  Can you say miserable? 

Add this to the fact that I was completing a big ol nasty project at work that was assigned to me and Dingbat.  Dingbat had other things to do, so I have been working on the project myself.  No, I'm really not that nice, I honestly didn't want her to screw it up.  See, I'm a bad person!  Anyway, remember last week when I couldn't breathe?  I asked Dingbat to take over the project (because it was due today) when I left Wednesday because I wasn't feeling well.  I told her I didn't think I would be in the next day, and I would appreciate her help.  And she agreed. 

When I got back to work today, I noticed she had sent out emails telling those in charge that she was taking over the project I had dropped the ball on (WTF).  And, AND, on top of that, she didn't even finish it!  Ok, I know, some of this anger is clo.mid related.  But (excuse me here while I cuss out loud) What. The. Fuck.  I thought it might be the case, so I had come into work early today.  And when Dingbat finally shows up almost 30 minutes later than she was supposed to, do you know what she says to me?  "Finally you came back" 

Interwebs, I'm not going to lie.  I kind of lost it.  I looked at Dingbat and said "You know what?  I was really sick.  I'm still sick, but today I can function.  So I came back.  But Thursday night I stopped breathing because of my asthma" (ok, thats an exaggeration, but deal with it).  And she says, "Oh, I didn't know.  I thought you just skipped work."  Grrr.  Whatever, I sent her and my supervisor an email letting them know I would be out, and she responded to it! 

Ok, I'm calming down now.  I did damage control when I got to work.  I sent an email to the attorney requesting the big ol nasty project and attatched a copy of what I had done, and let him know that I would have it finished by close of business today.  I told my supervisor that I wasn't going to be able to take on any new tasks today because of the project.  And I was able to get it done by the time I left today.  Phew!

On to the hope part of this blog post.  I went to the accupuncturist after work.  If there was ever a day I needed relaxation you can bet it was today.  Today the acupuncture session was focused on my ovaries (Yeah!).  As I was laying there, trying to clear my mind and think positive things, I was overwhelmed with this strange sensation.  It took me awhile, and then I knew, it was hope.  And that hope was followed very quickly by fear. 

I finally feel as if I am working in the right direction to get a baby, and that is so exciting.  Just the thought that this could be "The Month" leaves me giddy.  But it also leaves me feeling vulnerable, and scared, and alone.  I'm a little nervous to let hope out of the closet I'd locked her in a few months ago.  If she comes out, she'll bring her friends: vulnerability and fear.  And I don't like her friends. 

Apparently its not just my ovaries that hate me

First off, thanks for the comments on the 'mid!  I figured this time I'd do it the doctors way and if nothing happens, I'll talk to him and see if we can change it next time.  That means I took my first pill last night.  Nothing scary happening yet, but honestly, that could be because of the cold from hell.

Last night I couldn't sleep well at all.  And I'm pretty sure it wasn't the 'mid.  I kept waking up gasping for air.  It really freaked me out!  It would take me awhile to fall back asleep, and then an hour later I was gasping for air again.  So first thing this morning, I went to the doctor (yeah, I know, gasping for air several times. . . had it been anyone else I would have taken them to an instacare.)  This evil cold from hell has wreaked havoc on my lungs.  Turns out when the doctor told me I had asthma, I should have listened.  My lungs were fighting for air, and I was able to breathe ok until I would go into a deep sleep.  Then my lungs got all pissy and stopped breathing.

When I got to the doctor this morning, she said that my asthma was really bad.  So now I'm on some crazy asthma medicine to get my lungs all open and happy again.  Joy, more medicine.

On the plus side, turns out that whole big decision about going camping?  It was made for me.  So now I've got the house all to myself, well myself Mister and Moo.  I've got the freezer stocked with popsicles, and ice cream. I have homemade soup from my mom.  And I've got a bunch of blankets, and the tv remote!  Now I just need to focus on feeling better.

Clomid Question

Ok, so I'm totally venturing into the unknown here.  This will be my first cycle with Clo.mid, and I'm pretty nervous, yet excited, yet scared to death.  I called my OB this morning and asked what I should consider CD1, since I started spotting yesterday.  I left a message with his nurse, and she called me back this evening.

Now, I know I should cut them some slack.  She's probably one of those cute Utah gals that got pregnant by sleeping next to her husband.  But do you know what she said to me? "CD1 is when you period starts"  Really?  Huh, gee, I didn't know that.  Thanks for the help.  *rolls eyes*

So then I ask her in a more pointed way "Does spotting count as the first cycle day?  Because the Dr. wants me to start taking clo.mid on CD3, so I need to know what he considers to be CD1."  She gets all quiet and says, "Um, I'm going to have to ask the Dr.  I'm new here, and I don't know all of these things yet"

Sigh.  When I left the message I specifically asked for what the Dr. considers CD1 since I was supposed to start taking the 'mid on CD3.  Granted, I have a cold from hell, and my voice sounds like mickey mouse, but still.  I know I specifically asked that.  So why wouldn't you check before calling me back?  (See this people, this is just plain moodiness, not even drug induced moddiness.  Pray for my hubby if the 'mid affects me badly)

Anyway, she called me back and said that any spotting is considered CD1 according to the Dr.  So my question is this (I know, it took forever to get there. . . ):  Does this sound right to you?  Because from what I read in blogs it doesn't sound the same.  And I know I should go with what my Dr. says, but. . . well, I tend to question everything.