Friends

I got a text message from Dingbat last night.  Around midnight.  She told me that they had found her best friend dead.  And that she was sad. 

I replied this morning that I was sorry to hear that, and that she was in my thoughts.

And then it hit me, Interwebs.  Dingbat considers me her friend.  There is no other reason to send a text message to someone at midnight.  When a person feels down, they reach out to their friends for comfort.  And she reached out to me.

I'm sitting here at work, kind of shell shocked.  I want to do something for Dingbat, but I'm unsure what that something is.  Flowers? A card? A yummy, not healthy treat? 

Hot Flashes and Hope

So here I am on day 4 of my 5 day 'mid routine.  And mother of all things good, I am so freakin hot!  At this point I vow never to make fun of my mom when she has hot flashes again.  It started yesterday, but I didn't think to much of it because it was warm yesterday.  But today at work was another matter.  I'd be feeling perfectly normal, and then WHAM.  The hot flash hits, and suddenly I want to strip off everything!  Can you say miserable? 

Add this to the fact that I was completing a big ol nasty project at work that was assigned to me and Dingbat.  Dingbat had other things to do, so I have been working on the project myself.  No, I'm really not that nice, I honestly didn't want her to screw it up.  See, I'm a bad person!  Anyway, remember last week when I couldn't breathe?  I asked Dingbat to take over the project (because it was due today) when I left Wednesday because I wasn't feeling well.  I told her I didn't think I would be in the next day, and I would appreciate her help.  And she agreed. 

When I got back to work today, I noticed she had sent out emails telling those in charge that she was taking over the project I had dropped the ball on (WTF).  And, AND, on top of that, she didn't even finish it!  Ok, I know, some of this anger is clo.mid related.  But (excuse me here while I cuss out loud) What. The. Fuck.  I thought it might be the case, so I had come into work early today.  And when Dingbat finally shows up almost 30 minutes later than she was supposed to, do you know what she says to me?  "Finally you came back" 

Interwebs, I'm not going to lie.  I kind of lost it.  I looked at Dingbat and said "You know what?  I was really sick.  I'm still sick, but today I can function.  So I came back.  But Thursday night I stopped breathing because of my asthma" (ok, thats an exaggeration, but deal with it).  And she says, "Oh, I didn't know.  I thought you just skipped work."  Grrr.  Whatever, I sent her and my supervisor an email letting them know I would be out, and she responded to it! 

Ok, I'm calming down now.  I did damage control when I got to work.  I sent an email to the attorney requesting the big ol nasty project and attatched a copy of what I had done, and let him know that I would have it finished by close of business today.  I told my supervisor that I wasn't going to be able to take on any new tasks today because of the project.  And I was able to get it done by the time I left today.  Phew!

On to the hope part of this blog post.  I went to the accupuncturist after work.  If there was ever a day I needed relaxation you can bet it was today.  Today the acupuncture session was focused on my ovaries (Yeah!).  As I was laying there, trying to clear my mind and think positive things, I was overwhelmed with this strange sensation.  It took me awhile, and then I knew, it was hope.  And that hope was followed very quickly by fear. 

I finally feel as if I am working in the right direction to get a baby, and that is so exciting.  Just the thought that this could be "The Month" leaves me giddy.  But it also leaves me feeling vulnerable, and scared, and alone.  I'm a little nervous to let hope out of the closet I'd locked her in a few months ago.  If she comes out, she'll bring her friends: vulnerability and fear.  And I don't like her friends. 

The Crazy Adventures of Dingbat - Updated

I'm sure you've seen the title of my blog.  This is a full blown rant.  Feel free to skip it if you want.  I promise, I won't have hurt feelings!

Dingbat is my co-worker.  I call her my cell mate at work, and she thinks its hilarious.  Yeah, I smile on the inside when she laughs.  I like to think I'm a nice person, and that I don't hold negative feelings towards people, but Dingbat has proven me wrong.

Honestly?  She's a great person.  She's super sweet.  But some of the things she does, really truly bug the crap out of me.  And by the end of some days, its all I can do to watch her leave and not throw a computer, keyboard, pencil at her head.

I'm sure I'll end up regaling you with many stories of Dingbat.  In fact, you've probably already read one post that focused on her.  Today was something else entirely.  Today Dingbat: (and yes, you know its bad when I use bullet points)

• Told me about her lack of bladder control at work.  Several times. 
• Told me about how the dinner she had with her friend on Saturday gave her bowel problems.  Several times.
• Told me how she really likes this new guy she's dating, but doesn't like the way he kisses.  Yes, she described the kisses.  Did I mention Dingbat is 60?
• Talked to me in baby talk.  Several times.  "Oh, are you making a phone call?"  "Oh, are you cold?" as I put on my sweatshirt.  "Oh, are you going to go potty?"  I wish I was making this up.
• Showed up to work 45 minutes late but left right on time.  The reason she was late?  Daylight savings time.  The reason she was late Friday? Traffic.  Thursday? The dog "had to tinkle outside on the widdle lawn"

Ok, I think I'm done for the day.  If you made it this far, I applaud you. 

--------Updated----------
Ok, after reading fellow blogger's Samantha's post about her coworker's lack of sensitivity regarding IF, I've found one good thing about sharing an office with Dingbat.  She's an IFer too.  It took her 11 years to have her first bio baby.  So at least she doesn't give me dumb advice!  See that Interwebs? I'm not always negative!  I just found a silver lining!

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. . . .

Things that are bugging the shit out of me RIGHT NOW:

• Stupidity.  BCC means blind carbon copy.  Blind means that the recipients of your email can't see the list of people it was sent to.  No, you do not need to test it by sending me something BCC.  Again.  I'm pretty sure that the people who invented BCC knew what they were doing.
• Getting mad at me for doing my job.  Yes, it used to be your job, but you fucked it up, so they gave it to me.  I didn't ask for it, but I am going to make sure I'm better at it.  That's just the person I am.
• Telling me how hard your job is now.  No, it isn't.  It used to be my job, and I did it just fine.  You've been here 10 years longer than I have.  You did this before I got here.  Suck it up and be grateful you have a job in this economy.
• Telling me how it isn't fair for you to "only" make $40k. Bite me.
• Just because we share an office does NOT make us BFFs.  I do NOT want to hear about your bodily functions, or for that matter hear your bodily functions.  There are things that I will never get out of my head now, thanks to you. 
• When you tell me about these bodily functions I may look interested, but that's because I'm a nice person on the outside.  On the inside, I'm taking notes and trying to remember as much as I can so I can tell my husband when I get home.  We laugh about you, A LOT.
• I realize that most people in this office don't see our department as one of the important ones.  I'm usually ok with that, as it means management doesn't bother us as much.  But when we ask for help, it's because we need it, not because we are lazy.  Please don't ignore us.

Ok, I feel better now.  And, honestly, I'll try to post something positive next.  I really will.  I just had to unload all of my frustration today.