Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Has everyone missed me?

I've missed posting on here.  But I've had some interesting/crazy things going on in my life that I didn't feel I could write about.  And not writing about them, and only writing about the other things felt wrong.  It felt like I was cheating myself, or burying my head in the sand.

And I have been playing ostrich.  But really, what else can a girl do when she hears the words "I feel like I've been in the wrong sex all my life" come from her father's lips.

Intellectually, I understand.  Heck, I watch tv, I've seen the documentaries, and I've silently cheered on the people who are going through all of that.  But it's a whole different can of worms when it's your father.  The one man who showed me what a good man was.  The one that all of my boyfriends, and even my husband could never live up to.  He is my Dad.

So now what is he?  He's still my Dad.  He always will be.  The parts of him that I loved are still there.  The parts of him that I hated are still there.  He hasn't changed, but everything has changed.

It has made for some stressful family dynamics.  My Mom doesn't have anyone to talk to about it; she won't confide in any of her friends.  I'm now her outlet.  And I can understand her pain and her frustration.  They've been married for 32 years for hell sake.  But it's so hard for me to be the one she talks to.  Because I understand her side, and I am trying to understand my Dad's side.  I love both of them, and I don't want to take sides.

On the other hand, it has made for some funny moments.  Like when I told The Husband.  He didn't even flinch.  Just said "Make sure he doesn't wear a dress to the family Thanksgiving dinner."  And that was that.

Or the weekend I spent at my parents house and slept in my Dad's bedroom.  I woke up in the middle of the night and just about wet myself because there was someone staring at me from the closet.  Turns out it was the wig stand with a wig on it.  Cracked me right up.

Anywho, now that I've got that out there, I'm sure I'll be back blogging away.  I only ask for understanding from those of you who read this blog.  You may not agree with what my father is going through, but please do not bring hate to my space.  Also, if you happen to know me outside this blog, please don't mention anything.  It is up to my father to talk about this to others when he is ready.


  1. Wow, I had no idea you were dealing with this. My jaw dropped when I read it and then I laughed out loud at your husband's comment. I cannot imagine how hard this is for your family and will be thinking about yall! Glad to have you back :)

  2. Wow. I had to read that sentence twice. I thought I mis-read. Like you said, it's a whole different can of worms when it's someone you know, especially a parent (or spouse, I imagine). I can't imagine how you're feeling. Or your mom. Or your dad, for that matter. Good luck! Big hugs! :)