Friday, October 1, 2010


Did you know October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month?  Maybe you do, maybe you don't.  I'm guessing however, that you know a domestic violence victim.  You might now know for sure, but maybe you suspect something.  maybe you have a friend who used to be so outgoing, but now says she prefers to stay home.  She may have stopped wearing her "cute" clothes in favor of jeans and long tees.  She might flinch at loud sounds, or jump when surprised.  Does she have new habits, like making sure the house is clean by obsessively checking that everything is in it's correct place?  I bet she also defends the abuser and tells you that "You don't understand.  He loves me"

I can also promise you that her self esteem has nose dived.  She is convinced no one will ever lover her as much as the abuser does.  In face, she feels she's lucky he tolerates her.  She doesn't even feel worthy of the "love" he gives, and has no hope of finding love again someplace else.

There are times when you'll see her come to her senses, and threaten to leave him.  She might even follow through.  Don't be shocked when she goes back.  After the high of standing up for herself wears off, she'll fall back into believing she's worthless, and "Besides," she'll say, "he's changed."

How do I know all this?  I'm sure you've guessed, but I know because that was my life, my world for almost four years.

Don't give up on the friends you see this happening to.  They need your friendship now more then ever before.  It was my friendships that finally convinced me that I was worth enough to not have to stay with him.  Even then, once I left for the final time, I NEVER  thought I'd find someone else to love me.

I'm still not healed fully from the effects he had on me.  I still startle easy, I hate when people sneak up behind me.  there are still times when I feel that I don't deserve my husbands love.  I fear that one day he'll find out he married the wrong woman and I'll be without love again.

But you know what?  I am healing.  I am strong.  I survived.

If this sounds like anything you are going through, think hard.  Has it really changed?  Has he?

Help is available.

1 comment:

  1. Love you for posting this! It's so important for people to be aware of. My heart goes out to you for having experienced it. I was in an emotionally abusive cyclical relationship for 3 years when I was in high school & college and it was awful. I'm still trying to shake the emotional scars from it. :\