Friday, April 29, 2011

It's been too long since I last posted.  And I have no real good reason for not posting.  On the surface, my life these past two weeks has been perfect.  My dad is out of the hospital, and has been release to return to work.  My husband received a promotion at work and now gets to do what he's wanted to do forever, computer programming.  I'm still liking my job, and loving the fact that congress passed a budget so I get to keep working.

And I know what you're thinking: Amber, you're pregnant, you've got it all!  Just shut up already.

And I would tend to agree with you.  Which is why this week has been so hard.  I have no reason to explain the depression I've been battling this week.  It's been a struggle to get up each morning, and a battle to not retreat directly to bed when I get home from work.  I've been fighting the blahs tooth and nail this week, and even then not winning.  And then on top of feeling depressed, I've felt guilty for feeling depressed.  Issues?  Yep, I have em.

Two things changed my outlook this week.  The first was a lovely package from Genevieve with some beautiful butterfly photo stands that are going to look so amazing in the baby's room.  How she managed to send them at a time when I needed something beautiful is beyond me, but I'm so very grateful!

The second was being able to see my little Anna on an ultrasound.  During the last ultrasound the doctors office couldn't get a clear picture of her heart, and so we had to have another one done yesterday.  And there she was, moving around, looking healthy and right on track.  And I realized that she was the reason I've been fighting to get up in the morning, and the reason I'm not hiding in my bed at night.  I fought for two years to get to this place, and I'll keep fighting to keep my head above water.

Hopefully I'm back from the black hole of this past week.  I've been dealing with depression for more than a decade, and I'd like to say that I won't fall back into that hole.  But at least I know I can always climb back out.

1 comment:

  1. Depression doesn't know you're living your dream. It just rears it's ugly head and has a fit regardless. Plus, you are hormonal. I'm just glad that the package (soooo didn't have time to wrap it, LOL) cheered you up :) I was in search of something special that would go with your theme, and was so happy to find those! I am glad they could brighten your week. You've done the same for me :) LOVE YOU!!!