Update on My Mom

Sorry that this update is a day late.  I was going to update last night, but my computer was being used in a computer game between my husband and his friends. 

So, my mom went into the doctor yesterday, and he looked at her x-rays, and indeed something is broken.  She actually has three fractures, two small ones and a big one.  Picture your arm bone.  You know where it turns ball shaped to fit into the shoulder socket?  That's where her arm is broken.  There is a fracture all the way through it, and then two smaller fractures on each side.  She's going to be in a sling for 6 weeks, but as of now, no surgery will be needed.  She has to go back to the doctor in two weeks for more x-rays to see how she is healing.

Thanks for your kind thoughts!  It meant a lot to me to have your support!  I'll keep you updated if anything changes!

My mom scared a few years off my life today.  I tried calling her in the morning, and when I couldn't reach her, decided it must be because she was walking the dogs.  An hour later, I get a phone call from my dad that starts with, "Now don't panic, but I just brought your Mom home from the hospital."  Don't panic?  Right. . .

My mom took a really bad fall while walking the dogs (see, I was half right).  She got tangled up in the leashes, and the next thing she remembers is being on the ground in pain.  She walked back home with the dogs, and off they went to the emergency room.  When she fell, she jammed up her arm bone into her shoulder socket.  She told me at first that nothing was broken, but when I talked to her tonight, she said she had broken something.  I haven't seen her to find out whats going on.  I was actually forbidden to come down today.

She's in a sling, and on some pain meds, and she has to go in and visit an orthopedic guy on Monday.  She sounds like she ok (as ok as she can be) and I'll know more tomorrow. 

Any good thoughts and or prayers you can send her way would be greatly appreciated!

My New Philosophy

Corners

My sister in law R is 8 weeks 3 days pregnant.  She sent me a text message with a picture of her little bean.  I'm really happy for her, honestly I am.  But sad for myself too.  Maybe if I weren't trying I could be happy for her, totally, unreservedly happy for her.  Then I start to question why I'm putting myself through this.  Maybe I shouldn't be a mom.  I've always felt that I would have a problem getting pregnant; maybe that was the universe's way of getting me ready to accept it.

My heart is aching a bit today.  I've been left behind again.  My one real life friend who had this problem has entered another phase of her life, and I can't join her.  I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, anyone who really understands, except this blog.

My husband is trying to understand.  But he's 100% positive that we will get pregnant.  He has no doubts in his mind that we are just at a road block.  And while that's nice to have in my corner, it's frustrating when I'm feeling down.  I can't talk to him about feeling sad, because he tells me that "negative thinking won't help."  Well positive thinking sure ain't helping either at the moment.

I thought that my mom would be a great person to have in my corner, and she was at the beginning.  But now she's convinced that I am not relaxing enough.  That if i just relax and stop taking the pills, I'll get pregnant.  In face, according to Dr. Mom that's why my sister in law R got pregnant. She relaxed (after taking the clomid, mind you) and bam, she gets pregnant.  Yep, it's all because she relaxed.  So, talking to her just makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.

So, while I'm happy for her, and for all of you who have gotten your BFPs, you'll have to excuse me while I pour myself a drink and grieve in a corner.

Cycle Day 1 and Other Bullet Points

I know its been awhile.  I promise I don't set out to be away this long!  I have a good excuse this time, I swear.  I had no internet.  And while I can read your blogs at work, I can't comment on them or write my own.  I swear I've been going through withdrawals. 

Without further ado, the bullet points:

• My cycle started again today.  Which is probably a blessing considering how sick I was last month and all the stuff I ended up taking.  And while I know and accept this fact in my head, my heart is a little sad tonight.
• My sister in law R announced that she is pregnant Saturday.  She's the one who has been trying for two years and is my real life infertile friend.  I am 95% happy for her, and I think the other 5% is jealousy.  But I'm trying to talk myself out of it.  
• My garden is growing like crazy, so at least I can grow things somewhere!  We've harvested a few strawberries, and a couple of pea pods.  I'll post a new picture soon so you can see the changes!
• My sweet husband built the platform that the hot tub will be going on, so we are one step closer to actually being able to use it!  Yeah!
• I've referenced a bad time in my life a couple of times.  The last time I talked about it was telling you that Sparky saved my life.  And I've been trying to come up with a post to tell you about it, but it still hurts to much.  But I felt the need to talk about it, so here's the basics: I moved out with my first boyfriend who turned out to be a not so nice guy.  I didn't feel I deserved better (at the time) and would have probably stayed with him.  Until he kicked Sparky.  We both moved home that weekend.
• Being able to (finally) move on from that bad time in my life helps me to know that no matter how bad my life seems right now, I will be able to rise above it given enough time and love.

I think that's about it.  I feel like I could have written a post about each bullet point!  I couldn't pick just one though.  So you get another mish mashed post.  I hope that you are all doing well, and continue to stay happy!

Where I've Been

Where have I been?  Sick.  Really really REALLY sick.

At first I thought it was due to my overindulgence at girls night in.  There was vodka involved, and the Sex in the City movie, and it was a blast!

But by Sunday (girls night in was Friday) when I wasn't feeling better I started to think I may have caught a bug.  By Tuesday when my throat felt so raw I couldn't eat or drink, I went to instacare.  I was told I probably had the flu, but they did a quick strep test just to check.  Test came back negative, so I head home to rest. 

Thursday I finally stop having fevers, and I get a positive on my ovulation test, so I ask politely, force the hubby to have sex.  I may have told him to suck it up and take vitamin c, but since there were no witnesses I plead innocent!  Friday I head back to work, because the instacare doc told me I could once the fever went away.

Friday night I come home, after spending 8 hours at work catching up with everyone and on all the work I missed, I get a call from the instacare doc.  He had run another strep test, a three day culture, and it came back positive.  I had to start antibiotics immediately, and I was contagious until I was on them for 24 hours.  I sent text messages to the people I like at work apologizing for potentially infecting them.

Saturday I got even more sick, but that turned out to be a blessing.  You see, my mom came up and saved me, took me back to her house to pamper me and make me feel better.  And since I was at her house I got to hang out with my old dog Sparky (someday I'll tell you why he was so special)  I got to nap with him, play with him, and generally just hang out with this little white dog that I'd rescued 6 years earlier.

My mom had to put Sparky down yesterday.  It's probably the hardest thing I've gone through in a long time.  Sparky saved my life in a lot of ways.  He had a stroke yesterday morning, and couldn't walk.  He lost all control of his muscles and had a couple of accidents.  My mom said you could tell he wasn't happy.  She took him in that afternoon and had him put to sleep.  My heart is broken.  I know he's someplace better, and I know he's no longer in pain, but I want him back.