Wednesday, June 23, 2010


My sister in law R is 8 weeks 3 days pregnant.  She sent me a text message with a picture of her little bean.  I'm really happy for her, honestly I am.  But sad for myself too.  Maybe if I weren't trying I could be happy for her, totally, unreservedly happy for her.  Then I start to question why I'm putting myself through this.  Maybe I shouldn't be a mom.  I've always felt that I would have a problem getting pregnant; maybe that was the universe's way of getting me ready to accept it.

My heart is aching a bit today.  I've been left behind again.  My one real life friend who had this problem has entered another phase of her life, and I can't join her.  I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, anyone who really understands, except this blog.

My husband is trying to understand.  But he's 100% positive that we will get pregnant.  He has no doubts in his mind that we are just at a road block.  And while that's nice to have in my corner, it's frustrating when I'm feeling down.  I can't talk to him about feeling sad, because he tells me that "negative thinking won't help."  Well positive thinking sure ain't helping either at the moment.

I thought that my mom would be a great person to have in my corner, and she was at the beginning.  But now she's convinced that I am not relaxing enough.  That if i just relax and stop taking the pills, I'll get pregnant.  In face, according to Dr. Mom that's why my sister in law R got pregnant. She relaxed (after taking the clomid, mind you) and bam, she gets pregnant.  Yep, it's all because she relaxed.  So, talking to her just makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.

So, while I'm happy for her, and for all of you who have gotten your BFPs, you'll have to excuse me while I pour myself a drink and grieve in a corner.


  1. Relaxing - schmlaxing! Make sure the drink is enough to knock you on your ass. ;) *hugs*

  2. God I'm just so sick of people telling me to relax! It's like, "Oh yes, of COURSE! If only I relaxed, then the biological problem that has prevented me from ovulating for all 26 years of my life will magically go away!" Granted, it's another thing if I relax whilst taking Clomid. But even doing that this cycle didn't work. I'm with you on the drink in the corner. :)

  3. That "relax" thing is so asinine. You'll just have to get used to hearing it, but it does suck to hear it from your own mother. I'm so sorry that you're feeling a little down about it and sending you lucky wishes.