Prayers - Updated

My dad has just been rushed to the hospital.  He was driving home and started feeling funny so he went straight to the doctors office.  The doctor tried to help him feel better, but couldn't.  She called an ambulance and he was taken to the closest ER. 

They don't know what is making him ill.  He had a root canal done this morning, and it may be related to that.  They've done chest x-rays and ruled out pneumonia.  It's looking like they are going to admit him.
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My dad is still in the hospital, but according to my mom is looking much better.  They still aren't sure what caused everything but they are still thinking it relates back to the dental work.

At the dentist they gave him lido.caine and epi (which I've since found out is epi.nepherine).  The doctors at the hospital think that it was the epi that caused him to feel anxious and shaky.  They also have no idea why the dentist would give him epi for a root canal. 

By the time he reached the family doctors office on his was home from the dentist, he was shaking so hard and was feeling so anxious he could barely drive.  The family doctor immediately called my mom to come and take Dad to the hospital.  Unfortunately she was half an hour away.  While they were waiting for her to arrive, my dad got a fever that kept going higher.  His blood pressure also started to rise pretty high.  The doctor did what was best, and called an ambulance to take him to the nearest ER.

Mom got to the family doctors office as the ambulance was loading Dad up.  She spent the rest of the afternoon with him at the ER.  Then about 430 yesterday they decided to admit him to a different hospital, which meant another ambulance ride.  I was finally able to visit with him at that hospital and stayed until visiting hours were over.

Dad is being treated by a group of interns that we've started calling Dr. House's helpers.  They keep asking Dad questions about his health history, what drugs he's taking, what he's feeling, how he felt on his drive home, etc.  Then they go out in the hallway and collaborate.  Quite honestly, Dad is enjoying all of the attention.  I feel pretty confident that this group of young doctors will figure out what is wrong with my dad.  My only wish is that they would do it faster.  I hate seeing my dad in a hospital bed.

Keep Dad in your thoughts and prayers.  He's a strong man, but even the strongest need help.

Take that February Blahs!

On my way into work this morning, I saw green plants poking up through the frozen ground.  GREEN.  And alive.  And all at once, my February Blahs started to recede a little.  I started feeling hopeful that winter won't last forever.  I may have even spoken aloud to mother nature and told her "I don't care how much more snow you give us, I've seen the green, and I know spring is coming"  Don't worry, I work downtown, and lots of interesting people talk to themselves, so I'm sure no one really noticed.

Seeing spring coming caused me to reflect on the past year.  On where I was a year ago.  And how things have changed since then.  Last year I was so hopeful with the new green of spring.  I took it as a sign that I would get my dream, and finally be pregnant.  Last year I was just beginning on the medicated part of my journey, and having a plan made me so excited.  Last year, I was scared to death to be hopeful; scared that my hope would turn to disappointment.  And a few times, it did.  Every time I felt down, every single time I gave up, I'd think of the spring flowers, and how even though they were buried under ice and snow for months, they pooled their strength and when the time was right, they grew.  And they bloomed.

And now it's spring again.  The sun is shining a bit longer every day.  The plants are starting to shoot up out of the cold ground, and hope is in my heart again.  It has been a long, sometimes difficult year, but I came through it.  I came through it, and now I'm blooming. 
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Through this whole post I kept thinking of something my Grandma (I miss her every day) said to me when I'd tell her how pretty her garden was. "It takes a lot of shit to grow healthy flowers"  It did take a lot of shit to get a pretty garden; in the form of fertiliser of course.  But also, when you think about it, in the time it took to plant, to weed, to care for the flowers.  In the fact that you had to take a risk in planting them in the first place.  Every seed you plant doesn't always turn into the prettiest flower. 

My Grandma, she was a smart lady.

The post where I sum up two weeks worth of stuff into one blog

Yeah, I really need to write more often.  But I've been super lazy, and instead of coming home and updating you on my life, I've been going to bed.  Some may claim pregnancy as an excuse, but I know better.  It's pure laziness.  I have been keeping up with all of you on your blogs, and sometimes I even crawl far enough out of my cave and comment.

I've decided its the February blahs.  I'm feeling blah because winter isn't over, and although spring is close, it's not close enough to really start dreaming about it.  I need to get outside and do stuff, plant things, walk the dog, bask in the sunshine (with sunscreen of course), and I can't do any of those things.  Sigh.

That leaves me all sorts of time to wallow around inside freaking out with every twinge that something might be wrong with Bubbles.  I've had a couple more episodes of spotting, but everything's ok.  I even got to hear the heartbeat last week, which was awesome.

Anyway, in an attempt to fill you in on my life over the past two weeks, I'm going to be lazy (see?!) and use bullet points:

• Valuable lesson learned: Don't take your prenatal vitamin on an empty stomach and then drive 30 minutes into work unless you want to pull over and puke on the freeway.  Not pleasant, and pretty damn embarrassing.
• Basketball games are much more fun if you are watching them at the arena.  Even more fun when you manage to score tickets to sit in a suite, eat catered food, and watch your hubby drink free beer.  They had free wine too.  And at halftime they brought in ice cream, which was awesome.  I'm pretty sure it will never happen again.  But what a neat experience! (oh, and on a side note, my team lost, but it was still the best game I've ever been too!)
• I found out that I may actually have a job until September!  Which means, I should have a job until I deliver Bubbles.  Should being the key word.  I have to check in each month with accounting and see how much money they have left in my contract.  Sigh.
• And speaking of work, they are moving me and Dingbat to a new office.  It's not any bigger, has equally crappy views, and yet I'm still excited.  Yeah, I'm a dork.
• I currently am nursing the cold from hell.  Otherwise known as the cold that would be fought off by day.quil.  Yes, I'm complaining about pregnancy.  Well, not about pregnancy per se, but about the fact that I can't take some drug and make the sniffles go away.  
• Adding to the pregnancy thing, I'd like to put it out there that this is hard.  There's the mental freak outs I have daily thinking I've done something wrong to Bubbles.  There's all the stupid assvice I'm getting from well meaning people.  Then there are the random freak outs in which I worry that Bubbles won't be cute, or smart, or funny.  I know, I have issues.
• Even with all that from the bullet point above, infertility was harder.  Infertility is the toughest thing I've had to face, and though at this point I'm giving it the finger, I know that me and IF will do battle again, and that scares the shit out of me.

That about sums up the last couple of weeks.  I know I missed stuff, and I promise I will post the award from the lovely Kakuna!  It's just the lazy thing.  And the February blahs.

Bad Blogger

I have been a bad blogger this week.  I know it, you know it.  I've been sporadically leaving comments, but I don't think I'm doing that up to my full potential either.

There is much going on, and I have a blog award I need to post (thanks Kakuna!), but I just haven't had the whatever it is I need to write a real post this week.

However, I'm taking tomorrow off of work, calling it a mental health day, and hopefully will be back posting by the weekend. 

Bear with me.  I'll be back to normal soon.  Well as normal as I've always been, which is to say, not normal.

I didn't get the job

I just received word that I didn't get the job.  And you know what?  I'm not upset.

I'm relieved!

Why I need a new job

As promised, the explanation for why I need a new job.

Currently I am a contract worker for the government.  That means I work at the government, but get paid by someone else.  It's a great way for the offices to keep costs down (ie, they don't have to give me all the benefits a regular government employee gets).

I really love what I do.  I find my job fulfilling.  The days where I dread going into work are few and far between.  And I may complain about Dingbat, but honestly she's the sweetest lady (just has a couple of screws loose).

The problem is that in the last three years I've worked as a contractor, I've had four contract companies.  Four different companies paying my wages and providing benefits.  They've all been nice, but they don't seem to have staying power (I'm not sure that's their fault).

Come March I'm facing not having a job because my office won't be able to pay the newest contract company.  They are hoping to find some money somewhere to keep me on, but I'm not holding my breath.  With the economy the way it is, it's a wonder any government organization has money to run it's day to day business.

I've known about this since before Thanksgiving, and I've been job hunting since then.  But as anyone who's looking for a job knows, there aren't that many openings, and there are a lot of people applying for what's available.

Job Interview

I have a job interview tomorrow.  For a job I applied for in October.  Long before I got pregnant.  But now I feel like I'm caught in the cross hairs.  I know legally they can't discriminate against me because I'm pregnant.  But I'm up against four other people, and I'm sure I'm the only one knocked up, so how hard would it be to not choose me?

Here's another twist to the problem.  I'm interviewing for a job that will be in the same office I'm already in.  However, since I'm a contract worker, it wouldn't simply be moving from one desk to another.  It would mean switching companies.

Also, since I'm already in this office, I hear a lot of the rumors, and right now the man that would be my new supervisor has been complaining about a recent new hire who is pregnant with triplets. (Yes, she was on fertility meds)  He tells anyone who will listen how unfair it was of her to take a job knowing she would be out of the office on maternity leave.  He's especially mad because she didn't tell anyone she was pregnant while she was interviewing (legally you don't have to, btw)

So now, I'm trying to decide how to approach this.  I'm not showing yet (just look chubbier), so I know it's not obvious I'm pregnant.  However, some people at work know, and at least one of them is a blabber mouth, so I'm not sure how many people really know.  Do I go in to the interview and be honest and upfront? Or do I wait until I hear back with a job offer? Or do I not say anything at all?  Pretty soon it will become more obvious that I'm preggers, and I don't know how to deal with that situation while looking for a new job. (I promise I'll write another post letting y'all know why I'm job hunting)

Any advice?