Monday, February 28, 2011

Take that February Blahs!

On my way into work this morning, I saw green plants poking up through the frozen ground.  GREEN.  And alive.  And all at once, my February Blahs started to recede a little.  I started feeling hopeful that winter won't last forever.  I may have even spoken aloud to mother nature and told her "I don't care how much more snow you give us, I've seen the green, and I know spring is coming"  Don't worry, I work downtown, and lots of interesting people talk to themselves, so I'm sure no one really noticed.

Seeing spring coming caused me to reflect on the past year.  On where I was a year ago.  And how things have changed since then.  Last year I was so hopeful with the new green of spring.  I took it as a sign that I would get my dream, and finally be pregnant.  Last year I was just beginning on the medicated part of my journey, and having a plan made me so excited.  Last year, I was scared to death to be hopeful; scared that my hope would turn to disappointment.  And a few times, it did.  Every time I felt down, every single time I gave up, I'd think of the spring flowers, and how even though they were buried under ice and snow for months, they pooled their strength and when the time was right, they grew.  And they bloomed.

And now it's spring again.  The sun is shining a bit longer every day.  The plants are starting to shoot up out of the cold ground, and hope is in my heart again.  It has been a long, sometimes difficult year, but I came through it.  I came through it, and now I'm blooming. 
Through this whole post I kept thinking of something my Grandma (I miss her every day) said to me when I'd tell her how pretty her garden was. "It takes a lot of shit to grow healthy flowers"  It did take a lot of shit to get a pretty garden; in the form of fertiliser of course.  But also, when you think about it, in the time it took to plant, to weed, to care for the flowers.  In the fact that you had to take a risk in planting them in the first place.  Every seed you plant doesn't always turn into the prettiest flower. 

My Grandma, she was a smart lady.

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