Monday, December 13, 2010


That's right.  I'm scared.  Want to know why?  I'm scared because AF was due Saturday.  Sunday at the latest. And she hasn't shown up.  I've had cramps since last Wednesday.  I keep running to the bathroom expecting to see AF, but nothing.  No spotting, just cramps.  And nausea.  And sore boobs.  And exhaustion.

I'm scared to test.  Scared to hope that we might be pregnant.  Scared to test and see a negative and slam into despair.  I feel as though I'm walking a tightrope, and one wrong step will send me spiraling down, down, down into dark depression.

I just need to keep walking forward, keeping my eyes on the prize.  I feel as though if I reach for the pregnancy test, I will fall off the rope, and I'm scared to take that risk.  I want to go back to last month and tell myself that we should sit this cycle out.  The potential for pain is to great.  If you don't get the positive you've been waiting for, it will make Christmas unbearable. 

I'm scared.


  1. Ughhhhhh so scary!!! I will be patiently waiting for this story to unfold.

  2. Oh Amber! I really really really hope you get your miracle Christmas BFP! I cannot wait to hear.

  3. Oh, wow! I hope it's a BFP for Christmas, and not just progesterone fucking with you! When do you go in for a beta???

  4. It sucks that this feeling has to be scary, but I totally know what you mean. If I were you, I would hold out a few more days and then test. Hang in there...(and good luck)!!!